Archive for the misc.blurbs Category

Phil Collins Retires; World Rejoices

Posted in misc.blurbs, music with tags , , on Wednesday, 2011 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

Following the “thank god!” public reaction to his retirement from music, Phil Collins released a statement clarifying the reason he’s quitting is to “be a full-time father on a daily basis” and NOT because of “dodgy reviews” or not feeling loved.

Funny, all of us manage to hold down full-time real jobs and still raise our kids on a daily basis. Music is not something that you quit. If you want to quit “the music business,” fine, just go. Why the announcement? Plenty of bands go years between albums or find themselves on unannounced, indefinite hiatus.

Nothing reeks of “desperate for attention” like first unnecessarily announcing retirement and then releasing another statement about it that essentially screams "I’M STILL LOVED! I’M STILL RELEVANT!!"

I’m not a mathematician, but I’m pretty sure if you’ve sold 100 million records and don’t have the trappings of having to do actual work for a living you could probably manage to juggle the demands of fatherhood without “retiring from music.” But good riddance.

Sarah Palin Won’t Run for President in 2012

Posted in misc.blurbs, politics with tags , , on Wednesday, 2011 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

Even the people who aren’t fooled by Sarah Palin are still fooled by Sarah Palin. We, er, they are going to talk and speculate and talk some more about will-she or won’t-she run for President. This will go on ad nausea for most of 2011. All while she’ll soak up way too much attention from the “lame-stream media,” cuz all press is good press, and whatever moves the ratings needle and whatever keeps her in, near, or around political news and pop culture will help her sell more books and land new TV gigs and make her more money on the speech circuit.

She’ll make TV appearances, and ridiculous comments, and her stupid talking points will continue to drive the national conversation despite the fact that even leading conservatives and republicans know she’s unqualified and unelectable. But that stuff is easy. Running for (let alone being) President is not. So she won’t do it. She’s lazy.

So she’ll ride the wave of speculation all the way to her eventual destiny as the White Trash Oprah. And she’ll stroke her ego by holding out her eventual endorsement of one of the Republican candidates as long as possible, as if she’s some sort of kingmaker. But she won’t run for President.

Another Writing Endeavor: Sports Crab

Posted in misc.blurbs, sports with tags , , , , , on Thursday, 2010 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

So I’m part of a team launching a new Baltimore-based sports parody site called Sports Crab. Please visit the site and share the link on Facebook, etc. So far I’ve written spoof stories about Brett Favre, Bono Saving the Orioles, Vinny Cerrato wanting JaMarcus Russell, and Pacman Jones being himself. But if you poke around you’ll find my stuff. Make sure to click the DIGG and/or HypeItUp buttons at the bottom of each story to help the site attract more readers.

Please Support My NFL Column

Posted in misc.blurbs, sports with tags , , , on Wednesday, 2010 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

I’ve been sporadically slowblogging here the last few months. I have some other writing endeavors elsewhere online, but I hope to revive this blog a bit as well.

In the mean time, please support my NFL column over at RealFootball365 by going HERE and then clicking ARTICLES. Check back often, as I usually write about 2 columns per week.

If you dig it, please pass along the above link, or a link to this page. Post/share on Facebook, Twitter and wherever else you share webthings.

Thanks!

Generation X: the Last Cool Generation

Posted in essays, misc.blurbs, music with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on Wednesday, 2010 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

There’s been much ink spilled (back when ink and paper were still widely used) about Generation X (my generation, born in the mid-60s thru early 70’s). And then I think they named the next one Generation Y (or Generation Next or The Millennials), and now they’re up to Generation Z, or the iGen (ugh, talk about forcing it).

But long after Douglas Coupland’s novel of the same name put “Generation X” on the map, I’d just like to say: We are the last cool generation. For many reasons.

We remember life before Xbox and Wii. I played freakin PONG with two "paddles" (lines on the screen) hitting a "ball" (a dot) back and forth. That was it. That was the whole game. Now, just the commercials for video games look better than the movies we grew up on.

Not only did we wait for our favorite song to come on the radio, but we did so with our cassette players setup to record and then tried to release the Pause button right away to tape the song. In fact, I used to blast records through an old stereo, with a boom box sitting in front of the speakers so I could copy it to a tape.

We wrote letters on paper and sent them through the mail to be read three days later. We used phone books. We used payphones. We used maps. We had to research our school papers at the library, with encyclopedias. We had to look shit up in books. The internet didn’t exist or was still in very early infancy when we were in college. We weren’t sitting around in class with our laptops.

We watched three TV channels plus PBS and waited until the 11pm local news sportscaster came on to show us highlights, until, if we were lucky, we had parents who could afford cable if and when it was finally available in our neighborhood. And we were already 12 by then.

So yes, we are the last cool generation. And all the little whippersnappers who followed us think they are the cool ones.

They can kick our ass at Playstation but they never played outside in the yard until it got dark enough that you could only see the ball when it was in the air. They make fun of clunky out-of-date CD players; I actually owned an 8-track tape player. They started drinking coffee when they were 15 and now they think drinking crappy beer like Pabst Blue Ribbon is cooler than being accused of being a “beer snob.” They think everything is overrated, underrated, or just totally random.

And of course they only like bands you’ve never heard of.

I think it’s funny how all these emo hipsters love to love anything that’s underground indie lo-fi crapola and it’s cool to say U2 sucks or Radiohead’s not great anymore or the White Stripes aren’t cool cuz Jack White’s gone Hollywood and sold out cuz he’s done a film soundtrack and been in a movie with The Edge.

Meanwhile, all these crappy bands sound like early U2 (but not as good) or wanna-be Radiohead or minimalist retro White Stripes. Ironic. Oh, wait, but being “ironic” is the coolest thing, right? I don’t know, I’ve lost track.

They cry and cry and cry that "oh you should check out THIS band and too bad THIS band isn’t as famous as Coldplay!" But then soon as 42 other people start agreeing and liking that band, they jump ship cuz "they suck now."

You suck. Go fix your eyeliner.

And now’s the part where I end the rant and you fill up the comments section (or the emails you use to forward this to your hipster buddies) saying how I’m just a bitter old man who doesn’t get it and I’m a hypocrite cuz I wrote a condescending blog post admonishing the cooler-than-thou people who do stupid shit like write condescending blog posts. That’s cool. I know I’m gonna drive home in my Honda from my day job and probably just go to sleep early. And you’re gonna peep your iPhone for some new App that plays old games like PONG or helps you organize all your stuff that makes you uniquely you. Just like everybody else.

They Should Make the Day After the Super Bowl a Holiday

Posted in casual fridays, misc.blurbs, sports with tags , , on Monday, 2010 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

It’s so obvious, I’m glad I thought of it. I need to figure out a way to make money off this idea, but I’d settle for just getting the day off.

Here’s the deal: they have Washington’s Birthday or I guess now they sorta combined him with Lincoln or something and made it “Presidents Day.” Third Monday in February I think it is. And the Super Bowl that used to be played in late January, now increasingly falls out on the first few days of February. Not a huge deal, but that puts a bit further from Martin Luther King Day, and it has become a “February” event in our minds. “January football” now means Playoffs and “if you wanna be playing in February” is now a direct reference to making it to the Super Bowl.

So, you see where I’m going with this right? Presidents Day is kinda pointless anyway, right? It’s just some random Monday off. It’s not like we plan family visits or anything. And it usually isn’t really on Washington’s actual birthday, so why not move it back couple weeks and make it the first Monday in February? Like it matters. Jesus wasn’t born on December 25.

But wait…. that’s not all. I’m not proposing the day after Super Bowl be Presidents Day just for the partying factor and being able to stay up late for the game (hey, a new generation of kids/fans/consumers need to be raised, how can they watch the big game if they got school in the morning?). And it’s not to avoid calling in sick, AKA hungover.

This is actually an economic stimulus package that I implore President Obama, enthusiastic sports fan that he is, to embrace and pursue. Presidents Day is usually filled with ridiculous sales on cars and mattresses (two items that are ALWAYS on sale). They drum up these silly commercials with cartoons of Lincoln and Washington to tell us to shop for stuff. Why? Most of us just do laundry that day and wonder what might be open or closed, since it’s not really a holiday but it is. So no one shops. Wasted holiday.

So, once you move it the day after the Super Bowl, Presidents Day will be right after the day/night famous for not just football, but the fact that 10’s of millions of Americans of all demographics gather around their TV’s to WATCH THE COMMERCIALS. Personally I’m all about the game. But a LOT of people come right out and say they are “excited” for the “commercials.”

What an opportunity! Wouldn’t it be awesome if, the day after the Super Bowl, hordes of Americans were off work and school, and heading out to buy the cars and colas and countless other crappy items they saw advertised the night before!

This makes too much sense. And while it might not happen, I think it’s more likely than the NFL moving the game to Saturday. But, until then, just keep callin in sick.

Technology Is Amazing

Posted in misc.blurbs with tags , on Monday, 2009 by Todd.Levinson.Frank

Apparently, I can send an email to my blog and it will appear as a new post. It’s like magic. It seems like not that long ago I was taping vinyl albums onto cassette tapes. Now I can buy an album (or copy it from a friend) with a few clicks of the mouse. A few more clicks and it’s put onto my MP3 player that holds 300 albums and is the size of, well, a cassette tape case. Truly amazing. Then again, I don’t even know how they make decaffeinated coffee beans, so maybe I’m just easily impressed.

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